Talk about a good wake up call/slap in the face?! I was reading through scripture this morning and had several toes stepped on. Then I started reading today's entry in "Jesus Calling" which said:
"Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you. But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.
Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems."
-Psalm 116:17 and Philippians 4:4-6
The last two days I have been having the best little pity party EVER! Yesterday I was having an "ugly day". It didn't matter how many times Dave told me I was beautiful, I would laugh at him and cry at my reflection in the mirror at the same time. I think I even asked him to stop lying to me at one point. Add on top of that, my bulging belly is growing so quickly I cannot wear any of my pants/shorts or skirts. A wonderfully talented/artistic friend offered to take pictures of Dave and me before he deploys and yesterday was our date. I rummaged through my closet thinking there had to be something I could wear. Much to my dismay, I could not wear one skirt or pair of shorts. How do you take pictures on the beach without a pretty skirt?!
So, let's review: Dave is about to deploy (2nd underlying cause of all emotions right now), hormones are raging out of control from baby Tyson growing (main cause of all emotions), we have an awesome opportunity to have pictures made by a fabulous photographer (for free!!!), I'm having an ugly day, I'm gaining weight, none of my clothes fit, not one pair of my skirts or shorts will button or zip , my eyes are puffy and swollen from crying, and I have one hour left before we are to meet said friend. Dave is trying his best to encourage me and comfort me, gently reminding me of how the weight gain is a blessing for which we are EXTREMELY thankful...but you couldn't tell me that at the time.
I finally throw on a dress/swimsuit cover up and make sure no part of me is falling or spilling out before we run out the door. We had a fabulous time and really enjoyed our afternoon with Jeff and Jenn. I'll post pictures later.
Then this morning I am awakened to a phone call from back home updating me on a friend's medical status: the cancer is back and is extremely aggressive. David Nelson's doctors are saying there is nothing more they can do but make him comfortable. He has two beautiful boys and a loving wife. My heart started breaking for them. Dave and I immediately started praying for them, asking the Father to heal David and if not, then to grant peace, comfort and His joy. So, after yesterday and with the upcoming deployment, coupled with today, I realize a few things:
1) I am extremely selfish
2) I am extremely blessed and fortunate...I have NO problems.
3) What I think is ugly and fat is beautiful baby weight I've gained from our blessing from the Lord, and is necessary for the baby's health and growth.
4) God is in control. He has our best interest in mind and is working out ALL THINGS for our good.
5) I need to spend more time thanking Him and praising Him, then I would not have enough time for pity parties.
I'm so glad the Lord is still working on me and refuses to leave me where I am and as I am. He is so merciful and graceful while I am so unworthy and in desperate need of His saving grace, loving-kindness of which He freely gives.
Please join me on our knees before our Father's Throne in prayer over the Nelson and Earley Families.
I also ask you pray for our soldiers as they leave their families to continue protecting our freedoms so selflessly.
Picture updates:
The Pope Family in Princeville, Kauai
